That’s A Lot

The urban dictionary defines the phrase that’s a lot as a situation in which the observer is overwhelmed by visual stimulation, smells, sounds, or anything pertaining to excess action.

This time last year, I heard this phrase spoken to me as others learned that within a period of six weeks: 

• I led a four-day online event in Tennessee when my ministry partner’s husband suddenly died on the property where we were.
•  I continued to run and speak at that event to its conclusion.
•  To help my friend have space to grieve, I drove our 10-person intern student team to my home in Maryland.
•  I learned my mother passed away while en route home.
•  I hosted events and housed and fed the team that week.
•  I made my mother’s funeral arrangements the next day.
•  I drove the team back to their next event in Tennessee.
•  I attended my good friend’s husband’s funeral.
•  I flew home to run another 4-day online event in Singapore time.
•  I celebrated my mother’s life with my immediate family of 50.
•  I led and spoke at the final online event the first week of November.

I can agree now when I read it all in one place almost a year later. A lot was going on. When I was in the thick of it, though, and heard friends and family tell me that’s a lot, I paused and frustratedly wondered. “What is the point in telling me this?” What should I be thinking? What do I even feel? I was in the mode of just doing and could barely stop to wonder what in the world was going on.

As I’ve become more attentive to my inner thoughts and feelings, I’ve realized that my friends’ response of “That’s a lot” was their way of expressing concern for my well-being. It wasn’t a judgment on my ability or capacity to handle the situation. Rather, it was a reminder to take care of myself amidst the chaos.

The risk of putting a list together and sharing it with you is that you may be inclined to diminish or disqualify yourself from having a lot going on. Everyone in your circle may be healthy. You may have a roof over your head and a job, but that is not the point. There is no comparing our loss and pain to another’s. My point is that you likely have more than a lot going on. And you may resist hearing, “That’s a lot” from friends and family trying to find compassionate ways to say take care.

I hope you’ll take care.

Take some time to reflect and consider: while showing care and kindness for others, are you also being kind and taking care of yourself? Cause if you don’t, you risk it all being much more than a lot.