A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong and the outcome impacts their lives. Sounds like marriage doesn’t it. Here are a couple of classic conversation malfunctions between Gary and I. Phone call I am at home. It’s the end of a long day. Gary is on the other end trying to drive home in DC traffic. Gary harmlessly says something.…
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Almost our entire five-month engagement period was spent with Gary stationed in Guam and me stationed in Rhode Island. Gary performed a classic sailor behavior; after he got me interested, he shipped overseas. Pause for a moment and recall, 1986 is pre-internet, pre-personal computers, pre-cellphones. We were equipped with short weekly phone calls to stay in touch. Short because the going rate at that time was $1/min for a landline phone call. Weekly because Gary…
4 CommentsCherish. It means to protect and care for someone lovingly. synonyms: adore, hold dear, love, dote on, be devoted to, revere, esteem, admire Cherish is a hard word for me. Even with 30+ years of marriage experience, I find this idea of “cherish” hard to measure. It clearly is me, my problem: I feel squeamish about love. During my first class year at the Naval Academy I played the role of Golde in Fiddler on…
Leave a CommentI believe in doing my duty. From wikipedia : Duty has to be accepted and understood on the basis of one’s foundation of sense and knowledge. Therefore, duty and its manifestations vary with values from culture to culture. On one hand duty may be seen as terms of reference, job description, or behavior – and it is all of that … but duty is not only about doing things right, it is about doing the…
Leave a CommentEverything we start, we start with halting, falling, and lurching. It’s easy, during our baby-step phase, to be distracted by what we did before:, our old thinking, what felt more comfortable. We won’t grow, however, or get to a new place without starting poorly. It’s a baby step. When you show up in your marriage with a clear intention to be interested in the other. It’s a baby step. When you come with a…
Leave a CommentIt seemed like a good idea at the time. Christmas was coming and the budget was so tight it was squealing. I hit upon a plan to provide a little relief; I asked Mary if it would be ok if we did not give gifts to each other. She agreed and we were all set…. Or so I thought. After 30ish years of marriage I have learned a few things, very few, and one of…
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