Part 1 of 3
And friends are friends forever
Michael W. Smith
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
‘Cause the welcome will not end
Though it’s hard to let you go
In the Father’s hands, we know
That a lifetime’s not too long
To live as friends
I wasn’t on Oahu one week before the connection with Cathie was made. After talking to an Air Force family that used the same homeschool curriculum I did, they recommended I reach out to her. Cathie and I shared not only that curriculum but also being from Maryland, being a Navy family, and having lots of boys. Fast action makes a connection, but keeping it takes a slow, steady walk of grace, love, and forgiveness.
Our early friendship was founded on Waikiki Beach. I was living in temporary housing with our six kids in the Hilton Gardens in Waikiki. All military families arriving in Hawaii routinely waited weeks for available base housing. During that time, Cathie would haul her kids from her housing on the Navy shipyard to Waikiki. Together we shared mornings and afternoons on the beach. At the water’s edge, we talked while keeping an eye on the 11 kids between us. Cathie and I had both been athletes who loved the water, each of us spending childhood summers at our beloved Ocean City, MD. On Waikiki Beach, wave by wave, our conversations uncovered more and more of what we shared. Eventually, we also discovered something that made us different and unique.
Within a month of our budding friendship, Cathie noticed the Naval Academy ring on my finger. A light of recognition of another shared experience came in her eyes as she exclaimed, “I’ve got a ring like that!”
I knew Cathie didn’t. As a member of the second class of women, there were so few of us that I knew every woman in the first and second class. We all knew each other. I also knew that Cathie was just old enough that USNA wouldn’t have been an option for her. I knew what she did have was a miniature of a class ring that midshipmen gave as engagement rings to their girlfriends. Cathie’s husband John had graduated in an earlier USNA class that didn’t have women.
I dragged out the words carefully, “You don’t have a ring like this one, Cathie.”
“No,” she insisted likely thinking I was a little slow. “I have a ring just like that.”
“Cathie, take a closer look,” I asked.
As she bent over to examine it, I told her mine was not a girlfriend’s ring but a graduate’s ring. As her understanding grew, she stood up straight and shot quick questions at me. When we were on the beach, why did you let me say the things I said about women in the Navy and women at the Academy? Why didn’t you tell me then that you graduated from the Naval Academy?
I paused to look at her, remembering all the words she had spoken. I was there to make a friend, not a feud.
Well, I smiled and replied, we are in beautiful Hawaii! We are having a great time on the beach with all our kids all around us. Honestly, I didn’t really see the point of bringing it up.
We had a great laugh right then and there together and continued to find times to be together.
Forever Friendship Lesson #1: Early on, don’t take offense easily, if at all. The connection is fragile. Curiosity and listening will see you through speed bumps.
This week will mark the sixth anniversary of Cathie’s passing. With each year that goes by, I’m able to process a little more of what it means to have a friend who can go the distance, as we experienced even though she didn’t have a ring like mine.
I’ll be sharing a few more friendship stories in the days to come—do you have any to share?
As a child of an enlisted Marine, my family moved a lot. I was constantly saying goodbye to friends and as I got older this became more and more heart wrenching for me. When I became a Christian in college the “Friends” song was popular and one that resonated deeply with me. Life seems to be a series of goodbyes or “until we meet again.” But I’ve seen God use each friendship for his purposes in my life in each season. I’m excited that you will be talking about friendship.
I am thankful that you we’re blessed by your friendship with Cathie. She was a hoot! It’s nice that you are reminding us about her and that good friendships take humility, commitment and a bit of laughter! Thank you for being a friend that embodies those things. Your sweet note last week made my day.
Making friends is hard. Keeping them harder still. Grateful for your friendship!
Beautiful story Mary, thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Lani, for being a friend who overlooked my own fair share of insistence.
Hi Mary we became friends in Annapolis in a class about raising our kids. We were living on a Boat in Back Creek and you introduced us to the Christian Boaters Association. We are now the west coast CBA administrators and still living aboard now in Newport Beach Ca. It’s great to hear your friendship story.
Hello Mike! Thanks for letting me know what you are up to and hello to Jesse and the family. All the best!
Mary, I didn’t know about this conversation on that Waikiki beach when Cathie was quite sure her ring was the same as yours! I chuckle just thinking of that. I don’t recall exactly how that little tidbit about your past came to my knowledge, but I do recall that while very proud of that particular privilege and accomplishment, you never made the rest os us more typical military wives feel inferior. I love thinking of you and Cathie getting to know one another while keeping track of your crews on the beach. Times change and friendships grow and change as well, out of necessity as we move apart; but those precious to us who are brothers and sisters in Christ are indeed “forever friends”. <3
Thanks for sharing Mary. I am sure there are a few yet to be discovered Cathie stories between us. :-). Grateful for your friendship over the years.
Hello Mary,
I cannot remember if we ever met, but I have known “of” you for many years, thanks to another Mary who shall be unidentified. 🙂 This is a beautiful story about you and Cathie. It is true that we need to not be quick to take offense, early in the relationship but also after years together. I had a good friend who passed about six and a half years ago. Our bond was strengthened after we each went through a similar situation in our marriages at the same time. Her death was unexpected and sudden, with no opportunity to say “good-bye” or anything else. One day she was there and seemingly perfectly healthy, the next day she was gone. It is so important to cherish our friends. We need to turn the other cheek, sometimes often, and embrace them with all the grace Jesus gives us. A friend who is a friend forever is worth having and worth waiting for and being patient with at all times. Thank you for publishing this story about you and Cathie.
Dianne, Yes! the lessons are for the beginning, middle and end. The whole arc of the story with all that is beautiful and ugly because God can be trusted! And I do know of you too through Cathie.
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