Sometimes the troubles we have with our spouse are a result of our own conditioning them.
Let’s talk gifts. I think it is safe to say that giving gifts to each other is a pretty risky endeavor in the early years. Depending on how that is handled it may have some long lasting effects.
Perhaps the real reason couples don’t give each other gifts is:
- We don’t know what to give
Or
- In our instant amazon prime society we don’t wait for a gift giving opportunity. We just order what we need when we think of it.
The first Christmas Gary and I had together we were stationed on Guam, an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Gary was so excited to see me unwrap that first gift that was not filtered through a dating relationship. The real Mary was on display here. I just recall opening the gift and looking at an article of clothing I would never put on my body. Although I thought I did a great job being enthusiastic the fact that I only wore it once likely conveyed the message that Gary could not succeed at buying clothing for Mary. I didn’t get another article of clothing for years. Gary enjoyed a couple of years success when he contacted a friend who was a personal shopper and she selected and sent him items. Those were bonus years.
Maybe it wasn’t rejection as much as learning your strengths. Gift giving is at the bottom of Gary’s love language and to be fair I can be a moving target when it comes to figuring out a gift to give. His most current successes come in the form of taking daughters shopping with him when it comes gift giving time. I think he’s brilliant and persistent.