By the time I got my first pair of eyeglasses in 5th grade, I had exceeded the vision standard for being legally blind. I never complained of headaches. I continued to get excellent grades. I couldn’t see the chalkboard sitting in the front row. It was a shock to my parents when my visual acuity tested so limited after the second eye exam, yet my school performance remained unaffected.
That doesn’t work out the same for a life. Our poor vision and in particular blind spots affect our ability to learn and grow.
Recently I learned of a tool called the Johari Window. From Wikipedia, “The Johari window is a technique that helps people better understand their relationship with themselves and others. It was created by psychologists Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1916–1995) in 1955. Luft and Ingham named their model “Johari” using a combination of their first names. Here is a graphic image of the Johari Window.”
What we know (or don’t know) and what others know (or don’t know) is placed in four quadrants.
When others know something about us and we don’t know it that is a blind spot.
What do others know about you that you don’t know? Recently I’ve been considering a goal of joining some of my Navy classmates for a distance bike-ride. I mentioned it to my younger friend, who has been helping me exercise regularly. She immediately began to point out that it was a great goal by detailing resources and opportunities near me that I didn’t even realize! More than opportunities, though, a blind spot can reveal both our weaknesses and strengths. I find so often the amazing women I work with are blind to their great abilities.
Here are some of the common blindspots I have to keep working to be aware of.
- Not being aware of how it feels to be on the other side of me.
- While perhaps we can totally understand how difficult it is to see ourselves as others see us, I can recall when even seeing the effect of my anger or intensity caused damage that I still didn’t pay attention to.
- Having an “I know” attitude where I value being right beyond anything else.
- This is so easy to see in younger students. When I say something to them, and they reply, “I know.” That gets under my skin. Yet how easy those words roll off my tongue rather than considering the larger point. My conversation partner isn’t testing my IQ. They are sharing information that we are working together on.
- Blaming Others – avoiding taking personal responsibility.
- I am learning with problems to start with what about this has to do with my actions and behaviors, rather than blaming others. When I find myself using a name to blame that isn’t mine, I know that I am working in the dark.
The two tools I have found to reduce my blindspots involve inviting others with vulnerability and trust in my life.
Solicit Feedback – Whenever I tap into the perspectives of people who have known me for a while, I benefit. The best feedback is found in how I ask for it. What questions I ask of my friends or mentors. Learning to be specific and direct with my questions concerning my blindspot lets them know I am open to hearing where I am not living out my most mature self. Assessment tools are another form of feedback that helps us discover our strengths and weaknesses that we can use to ask others to help us see where that blind spot shows up in our life.
Seek different perspectives to learn from. This is one of the strengths of the family. If we cultivate relationships, we learn from our next generation. Beyond generation, I have so benefited from friends from other nations and cultures. When we lived in Norfolk, VA. We hosted international students. One of them was an unmarried, Ethiopian Muslim man in his 40s working on his Ph.D. Adem came over to our home frequently. One time I voiced my frustration with my then 3yo rambunctious son. Adem replied to me, “Yes, but he is young and needs your compassion.” He was so right, and I was in the moment so blind and needed to learn from someone very different than me.
As a child, I needed my parent’s help to correct my vision problem. Even after I got my glasses, there were annual tests, and in one month, three pairs of replacement glasses were purchased! It was their parental faithfulness that kept my vision sharp and maintained.
I still need help with my vision. Now it is my responsibility to recognize I need others to help me see what I can not. Hindsight isn’t 20/20 if we are full of blind spots but discovering blind spots and seeing more fully makes for a clearer future and hopeful 2021.
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