A Lesson Learned Over 20 Years
In the course of my two-decade journey with the Institute for Cultural Communicators, there’s a profound life lesson that has consistently resonated with me. Before speaking to an audience of many or one, I often stop and remind myself, even repeating this saying. I’m eager to share this insight with you, urging you to open yourself to an idea that, while perhaps familiar, may hold more profound significance than you realize.
Imagine saying together, “People don’t CARE HOW MUCH we KNOW until they KNOW HOW MUCH we CARE.” This simple yet powerful saying encapsulates a truth that transcends cultural boundaries and personal beliefs. It’s a reminder that knowledge alone is insufficient; genuine care is the bridge that connects us with others.
Let’s go ahead and personalize it. “You don’t care how much I know until you know how much I care.” This statement underscores the reciprocal nature of caring in building meaningful connections. Whether in personal relationships or our spiritual journey, the principle holds that caring precedes knowledge.
I would like to tell you a story to show the transformative power of caring.
I served as a chapter sponsor in Annapolis, MD, and the chapter was growing and thriving. I had close to 40 students in our chapter and an engaged student leader team. I knew that other adults needed to start chapters. I couldn’t keep adding students. So when one family that lived an hour away asked to join, I told the parent straight out – You can join this chapter only with the understanding that you start a chapter in your area next year. I was very blunt. That’s how I started her time in our chapter with pre-agreements, but it was a one-sided agreement, which isn’t an agreement at all. It was a demand.
The following year, she wasn’t in our chapter, she didn’t start a chapter, and she joined a different organization. Because I didn’t care about her – I didn’t take the time to know her or what her needs might be – I cared about starting a new chapter. This experience was a crucial lesson in understanding that caring is not a one-sided agreement but a mutual commitment.
Our failures often become catalysts for growth.
Years later, I traveled to Illinois to help run one of our events, and I was so excited when I was invited to coach our intern team on their platform. I cared a whole lot. I cared that they did a good job, and I cared that they looked good on the platform, so I gave my best critique in my rapid-fire session. Later that evening, my friend and mentor, Teresa Moon, invited me to a conversation with the team’s liaison. I can still remember where we were sitting. The liasion was not a stranger to me. She was a student, and I had invested hours to get her ready to be on an ambassador team. Now, she had returned to liaison. We had a lot of relationship together.
Teresa began by giving this young adult leader time to share. – I only remember hearing the team felt unsafe when I had given them coaching. I stopped listening and tried to recall what I had said that could seem offensive. They were our interns. They were what I considered varsity. But when I started my defense. Teresa only asked me to consider…To consider to pause and imagine. Mary, what would you think if you saw the coaching you gave them is the same one they give to some 11-year-old communicators? It was painful to consider. And I saw something new. I saw that even when we care about many good things, we can forget to care about the person.
To render caring easier, we must focus on “HOW MUCH we CARE.” It prompts us to reflect on our actions and commitment to others, fostering a genuine connection that transcends mere knowledge.
I’ve witnessed caring models within our community – adults going the extra mile for students, student staff assistants extending beyond their roles, and leaders celebrating each other’s successes. These models inspire us to grow in our caring for others.
Inspired by Mr. Fred Rogers, we can embrace the gift of silence to reflect on those who’ve nourished us deeply. This simple act connects us with the essence of caring and gratitude.
Caring isn’t confined to grand gestures; it’s embodied in daily, ordinary acts. From smiling at someone to saying thank you, asking for forgiveness, or expressing love through words and deeds – these small acts water the seed of care, yielding astonishing, mind-blowing results.
In a world often overwhelmed by the pursuit of knowledge, let us not forget the transformative power of caring. As we internalize the idea, “People don’t CARE HOW MUCH we KNOW until they KNOW HOW MUCH we CARE,” let it guide our actions, enrich our relationships, and create a ripple effect of genuine, life-giving care.